We love a man with feelings… who isn’t afraid to express them.

Cross-posted to Substack.

Ahh, the Christmas season is in full swing. We are juggling three separate spirit weeks, events every weekend, countless emails from students asking how they can bring up their grades, Speech tournament season going strong, shopping for teachers and Secret Santas, final exams… and a partridge in a pear tree.

Thank goodness for Christmas by Design. The love you all are showing for that little book is really making my grinch-ey heart grow three sizes this month.

Haven’t read it yet? What are you waiting for??

As you know, I love coffee flavors. But I also love flavored coffee. Recently, like a good, Midwestern girl, I ordered some Door County Christmas Coffee. I’m actually obsessed. So is my husband, believe it or not. We’ve ordered three pounds of it since a few weeks before Thanksgiving. It’s just that good. It tastes like coffee mixed with cinnamon and allspice, and it’s nice to have something a little different to keep the mornings interesting. (As if getting two kids and two adults to school by 8am isn’t interesting enough.) If you like flavored coffee (Or even if you don’t! My husband generally doesn’t!), you should give it a try.

I also joked with my Street Team that if I got a certain number of preorders, I’d keep this Christmas tree mug I bought as a gag on Amazon. I was going to return it, but I hit the preorder number, so it is now sitting on my kitchen island. I still haven’t drank out of it because I can’t figure out how to. It’s so oddly shaped! But I am determined to give it a try. Stay tuned.

I started a YouTube channel a few weeks ago. I spent hours creating a video. Scripted it. Filmed it. Edited it.

And then… chickened out.

Well, I guess I didn’t chicken out so much as I got some advice about the algorithm over there from the great MK Williams, and the gist of it is that I need to be consistent to be seen over there. And you read that intro. Right now, consistency is not in my vocabulary. I am actually hoping to get some videos banked this spring and summer to start posting over there regularly. I’m great on camera, honestly, so it’s going to happen!

But, until then, I thought you might be interested in the script for the video I filmed over there.

In defense of soft men.

Now, I’m a teacher, and the first thing I always do with my students is start with a definition. So, let’s define what it means to be a soft man, shall we? According to a comprehensive and exhaustive google search, a soft man is a man who is open to expressing his emotions and feelings. He exudes compassion. A man in his “soft guy era” (which I guess is a thing?) is comfortable with not being the sole provider in his relationship.

So, in other words, I guess a soft man is one who has feelings. Who listens. And who is cool with his partner having a job?

This sounds fine to me? I don’t know… what am I missing?

Well, a lot, apparently. Because where there is a hot take, there’s another one to counter it just around the corner. People who are “against soft men” say these traits make them, essentially, too feminine.

To which I say… so what’s wrong with being feminine? Women are strong AF. If you’ve never watched anyone give birth or done it yourself… just trust me. Have you ever seen women get super strength to save their babies from something? Yeah, it happens. But I think the strongest thing I’ve seen women do in my lifetime is to get constantly knocked down for being a woman… and get right back up again.

And this is aside from the fact that gender is a social construct. Masculine and feminine are not diametrically opposed. You don’t have, like, masculine over here and feminine over here with people fitting into buckets on either end of the line. There’s a whole spectrum of human behavior, and each individual human can decide, in any given moment, where to land on that spectrum.

I think “seek the greatness” put it best in his article on Medium from May 2020 titled “The Rise of the Soft Man,” “The days of surviving wild animals and need to conquer, pillage, and show brute strength are now over. We live in a global economy with enough resources to go around.”

Soft or… hard, I guess? (yeah I heard it) I don’t want any man near me who is interested in conquering or pillaging. *make a face*

Masculinity is also not a pie. If I take a piece of man-power and bring it to work with me, that doesn’t mean there’s less for my husband to bring with him. Like, I don’t even know how to support that with evidence. That’s just how it works.

And just because I took a slice of that masculinity also doesn’t mean I’m less feminine. I’m not less capable of expressing emotion or showing compassion just because I decided to… what… wear pants? *listens off camera* Oh, wait. That was 1950, sorry. So many things have happened lately, I got confused what year we’re in. Just because I took a slice of that masculinity and decided to stand up for myself and be a little assertive doesn’t mean I’m less capable of showing emotion or compassion. That’s not how that works. Similarly, just because my husband, for example, took a slice of compassion doesn’t mean he’s less capable of being dominant or assertive. Humans are multi-faceted individuals. We contain multitudes. Putting anyone in a box and labeling it is just… weird. Why do it when we can all be all these things at once and flourish because of it?

So, I guess, if this is how we define a “soft man,” I’m here for it. Women carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. They are primary caregivers. They are expected to handle the big feelings. All while, in our capitalist society, the middle class is shrinking and they also pretty much have to have marketable skills and contribute financially to their families (or, god forbid, they want to work outside the home). By this definition, I married a soft man. And I write about soft men. In every…. Single… book.

So, hey. Soft men aren’t so bad, are they? In fact, I’d like to see more of them. Drop recs for your softies below, and let’s celebrate soft men together.

So, what do you think? Would you want to see this (and more) on YouTube?

I have SO MANY updates, but none of them are ready to share yet. But I’ll tease you a little by reminding you that there are other holidays coming up, and I would love to celebrate them with you. 😉

I also just started two books. One is an angsty, bookish, second chance romance. One is about witches. I’m equally excited for them both!

Oh, and did you see? I’ll be signing at Romance Con in 2025! Get your tickets now and come meet me!

Need another winter book? Try When in December by Kendra Mase! Kendra and I met at Romance Con. Turns out she lives practically down the street from me. How cool is that?! If you loved Christmas by Design’s home reno vibes, you’ll love this one. Check it out on KU!

This love story is in desperate need of a redesign.

Poppy Owens is an eternal optimist, determined to look on the positive side of life, no matter how gloomy the circumstances. However, her sunny outlook is put to the test when a promotion she’s been eagerly anticipating at the prestigious interior design firm, Home Haven, could slip through her fingers.

The only way for Poppy to secure the coveted position is to outshine a rival coworker on a make-or-break assignment—transform a small cabin on the outskirts of the city into a picture-perfect holiday haven. But upon arriving at the remote location, she is dismayed to find the cabin in a state of disrepair.

Not only that, but fate also has a wicked sense of humor. The irritable cabin owner is none other than Aaron Hayes, Poppy’s high school crush. Freshly returned from a harrowing military deployment that claimed the life of his friend, Aaron is a shell of his former self. Gruff, cynical, and emotionally closed off, he regards Poppy’s attitude and homemaking skills with disdain, and he’s committed to undermine her work at every turn.

Poppy has never doubted her talent until coming head-to-head with Aaron, but she must decide whether remaining professional is worth more than taking a chance with the man who challenges her more than her dream job ever could.

An interior designer gets the career challenge of a lifetime when she comes face to face with her high school crush of ten years ago as she makes it her mission to create a Christmas cabin holiday neither of them will ever be able to forget. When in December is a stand-alone winter contemporary romance with a hint of steam, perfect for book clubs who love a sweet, emotional love story like those of Emily Henry or BK Borison.

That’s it for now! Don’t forget to tell me about your favorite soft men… and whether or not I should get some videos on YouTube. I hope you’re enjoying your holiday season!

Happy reading,
Allie